31 years old… and I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in my life. Married and with two twins, I can’t seem to be happy. Why is it so hard? Maybe I should be trying harder. But I guess I’m tired of it.
This dark cloud that follows me along the way is annoying sometimes. I call it cloud, yes, I think it’s a good name. Sometimes the cloud is so dark I can’t see the path I’m going, sometimes it’s kind of clear, so for a moment it looks like I can see very far! And everything seems better. Most of the days, the cloud is just there, not super dark and not clear either. Just there. Over me.
The worst days are the ones the cloud decides it’s time to rain. I hate those days. It can’t rain for hours… And when you think it’s over, it starts again.
I wish my cloud would leave, but then I think… what if the cloud makes me what I am? What if I stop being myself? The cloud has been with me since I was seven years old. Dysthymia, Chronic Depression, it has a lot of names, and they all sound worse than cloud.
So yes, this is it. I am going to try and write a little bit everyday.
I hope I can win the fight against my dark cloud. If I can’t… please, just know I tried.
Depression and Twins 